I sat alone, very late at night in the intensive care waiting room. Only hours would tell if my husband’s latest trip to the hospital, would take his life from those of us that loved him dearly. There was nothing more to do but wait. It was lonely and cold, until along came a dear friend. We didn’t know each other extremely well, and yet she continued to stay by my side for hours. Morning sunshine found my husband would survive again. And I had found a friend I always knew I could depend on.
Years earlier, I hated when family and friends felt sorry for me and the situation myself and my children lived in. My pride would not let me fail, I could not let them see what was really going on, how bad it had gotten. If you pretend something long enough, you begin to believe it yourself. But you know it’s not the truth deep down, and nothing changes. You cry alone, into your pillow late at night, or in the shower so no one hears you. But your children know, and others know. They wait for you to share, to let them be there for you. Even if it takes years. But you pretend to yourself that they don’t know.
It hadn’t always been easy to turn to others for comfort and to be honest with them of the turmoil of my life. I had always felt that they would be sorry for me, and my pride wouldn’t allow them to see what was really going on. I had confused sympathy with empathy. It was a hard lesson for me to learn. Recently I actually looked up the difference of sympathy versus empathy… ”sympathy is feeling compassion, sorrow, or pity for the hardships that another person encounters, while empathy is putting yourself in the shoes of another.”
There are many people in our communities that need people to be empathetic to their woes. And there are many people that make sure that call is answered. Many reach out to those in need, it’s not hard to find a place where a kind word, smile, or aide can make a huge difference in someone else’s life. In our northland there is clear evidence that people are ready to do what needs to be done to bring comfort to so many. If you are in need, please reach out and get the help you need. People want to be there for you. They are not going to feel sorry for you, judge you, they just care.
Many times, I would have been given understanding and compassion when I needed it most, but I wouldn’t let people in. I didn’t realize I was hurting those that cared by not allowing them to be there for me. And for not trusting them. If only I had learned that lesson many years earlier, my life would have been much easier.
Published in Bottom Line News & Views